Saturday, September 22, 2007

Call Me Metro!!

These are the rantings and ravings of an aging boomer who continues to think himself reasonably useful. I know that my behavior makes my girls giggle and my wife shake her head in wonderment. Anyway, .....

For your enjoyment and at my own expense, I confess the following acts.

Facial Hair: Why does hair slow its growth on top and flourish in unwanted locations? Weekly, I find myself looking up my nose, checking my ears and mowing my brow to rid myself of unwanted thatches of long, bristly hair. I have 2 or 3 special little instruments designed to trim hair out of noses, ears and eyebrows. They sound like a dirt bike as they chop and pull the hair out of my ears. If I ignored my eyebrows, I would be able to braid them after only a couple of months. The other day after She Who Still Abides By Me had cut my hair on top, I found myself in front of the mirror continuing the process as described. As I stood in front of the mirror, my eyes focused on my back. How the heck did my back get so darned hairy.

Back Hair: The process started, the mind working, I consulted CJS, the bride. As I was driving to Palm Desert, Carly made arrangements for me to see the Queen of Wax, and that's not Madame Tussaud, in Provo this week. What was I thinking? On Thursday Carly carefully holding my hand coaxed me into the back room of a "salon" just off of State Street in Orem. With my daughter laughing and the Waxer waxing, we ripped off every strand of back hair. I was grateful for cold hands and now have a bald back. Gerry laughed at me today as she recognized my skin colored back. Did I tell you that my toe nails were hurting.

Pedicure and Manicure: Last night as I walked through Walmart, I couldn't help but notice the big board out in front of the booth offering a pedicure and manicure for $22. Why not I mused as I contemplated my hairless nose, ears and back. Of course my manicurist/pedicurist turned out to be a 50 + vietnamese guy who carried on a chortling discussion with his colleagues in his language about his goofy client. Actually my feet feel better, my nails look great and he had good hands. (He gave me a foot massage and it felt great.)

Little sister S. says that I am metro and tonight I confess I probably am. I have to keep close tabs on my unwanted and random facial hair. When we were young we used to call the guy that ran the Dairy Queen "Coconut Nose" and I don't want that handle, thanks. Will I get my back waxed again, I don't know. It really wasn't so bad, in spite of all that I have heard. Probably. My nails aren't painted but do shine.

So now you know. I'll tell you about Palm Desert next.

Ta Ta (it seems appropriate somehow that I sign off that way.)......

5 comments:

Kristy said...

ROFL!!!(Rolling on Floor laughing) You are our Metro father - I can't believe you got your back waxxed!! Ouch. You're hilarious. Can't wait to read your next post.

ehjenn said...

Wish I could have been there. So funny. Love ya.

Carly & Jesse said...

Oh Daddy!! you are so funny!! That was a very fun day!! I would hold your hand anytime you need to get that done! Love you!!

Donna said...

That's pretty funny, Stan! I have offered to do that for Kipp, but he isn't interested.

Kathryn Thompson said...

So, picture the look on Dan's face as I try to explain to him what I'm reading. "I'm reading a post on the blog of my friend's dad, my friend that I haven't seen since grade 10 who found my blog a little while ago and emailed me, about his experiences with back hair and waxing..." Very funny Stan. Good luck keeping up the beauty regimen. No pain is too great in the pursuit of manly loveliness, eh?